I studied economics and administration. With my finger up my nose, because what has logic and order, I understand, what I understand, I can learn. I may never have been enthusiastic about it, but I enjoyed accounting and microeconomics and economics, as long as it wasn’t economy. Economics and economy are two different things. Don’t ask me the difference, I just remember the feeling.

I worked in project management for 8 years, on the soft projects, not the engineering and construction ones. I loved it. Setting up a system, working in that system, tinkering with the details and then communicating it in different ways, that’s where I’m at home.

But in the meantime, I got even more excited about personal development. 

Partner communication. Nonviolent communication. At first I wanted to fix my partners before I understood that it’s about self-connection, recognizing of my own feelings and needs, and honest self-expression. Not about fixing people. 

Then educational projects. Dialogue, respect, listening, responsibility. It took me about a year to fully understand what it was all about (if I can even say that).

Then Vedic meditation, yoga and a bit of spirituality. 

And then it was on. Personal development turned into professional development. A coaching training. Another coaching training. Positive intelligence. Psychotherapy training. It took a couple of years and now here I am.

I’M A COACH, not a couch. And A THERAPIST launching my practice. From the nature of all the feedback and reflection, quite promising, I’d say. 

But I am NOT a PSYCHOTHERAPIST. I don’t have a degree in psychology.

A no-go for some. For another, systemic nonsense. For others, nice to have, but one can be a solid therapist without psychology. Not the “but it helps clients” kind. But the “I know what I’m doing, I’m doing it based on training and ethics and under supervision and continuing education with humility and respect for the craft, the clients and the professional community” kind. 

I have no doubt that I am and will be a solid therapist without “psycho”. Because of my humility and respect. And because the addiction to perpetual growth will never let me out of this constant “improving myself”. I enjoy it. 

What I don’t enjoy is having to constantly explain and defend why I’m a unicorn outside the system. Well, I am. Unfortunately, not everyone who’s 18 and deciding what to do next knows without a doubt that they’re going to be a baker (It’s a well-known and widely spread Czech saying).

It wasn’t until I was in the sauna on Thursday that it dawned on me that I could actually finish my formal education in the humanities, to have a university degree in the humanities, which is required (for now) to practice psychotherapy.

WOW!

So. Do I go back to university at the age of 34? Does that mean that I will have to be in Prague at least once every two weeks? Will I have to borrow money from my dad because I don’t have the money for another load of education right now? Because a) I’m not a marketer (yet) and I haven’t managed to sell myself enough to my private clients. Because b) I didn’t get the psychotherapy job I wanted because I don’t have a university degree in humanities. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

And how does this fit into my long-term vision? How does it fit with the fact that I’m temporarily in the Czech Republic and want to get back to Barcelona as soon as possible? 

How does it fit with the fact that after years of traveling, moving, and searching, I finally know that I want to live in the “land of the eternal sun,” by the waves of the sea, to the rhythm of salsa and the sound of Spanish? By the way, I’ve been doing pretty well with Spanish this year, I’m proud of myself.

So tell me.

How important is formal education to you besides practical training? Does it have to be? Should it be? Or is it not needed? 

And most importantly. Should Kamila go for it?

The post Am I psycho enough? appeared first on Kamila Kotoučková.

But there is still the pain that comes from the struggles, the losses, or anything that didn’t go my way. Making lemonade is a nice coping strategy to move forward effectively. I miss the second (or first) half – pain healing. How do I deal with pain? 

Imagine I had strawberries before

Sweet ones, good ones. I loved them. I enjoyed them. I ate them every day. They were something I looked forward to seeing on my plate. I was happy to eat them. But over time, I began to realize that they didn’t make me feel good. I’m apparently allergic to strawberries. 

So I try to cut them into different shapes. I make different dishes. I eat them at different times of the day. I mix them, cook them, and combine them with other ingredients. But no matter how much I love it, no matter how much I wish I could have it on my plate and feel good, it’s not what is happening.

Through and through

I think it back, I think it through, I think it forward. I try hard, I work hard, and I fight back. I might as well stand on my head. But it doesn’t change the fact that I’m allergic to strawberries.

And whose fault is that? Mine? Or the poor strawberries? Does pointing fingers change the fact that eating strawberries just doesn’t make me feel good, no matter how much I want it to? It doesn’t. 

So what? Am I going to eat lemons with my oatmeal instead because that’s what life has served me with? Please, no. First I go and mourn that I cannot eat strawberries. Please, no. First I go and grieve that I cannot eat strawberries. 

Prayer was not enough

That’s what happened to me and my life in Barcelona. I wished for the best. I planned, anticipated, looked forward, and prayed. I did my best. I tried and worked and tried and worked to make it happen the way I dreamt it would. Step by step. And it just didn’t work. I couldn’t deal with the noice that was always there, and I couldn’t get used to living in a city without green parks. 

It sucks. I am left with pain, a broken heart, unfulfilled desires, and emptiness. Missing everything back there. With a hole in my heart. And it damn well hurts.

I don’t want to be hurt. I don’t want to feel pain. I don’t want to be broken. Nobody does. And yet I am. And yet I have no choice but to go through it. Slowly. Thoroughly. Painfully.

Not even EVERYTHING IS GONNA BE ALRIGHT saves me from the pain. Although it’s good to remember it for those bright moments of courage and action. 

So what does? 

I cry

I cry a lot. All the time. I cry silently. Tears roll down my cheeks. I cry hysterically. I cry out loud. I cry during my lunch, meditation, in the bathroom, while walking, working, or falling asleep. I cry whenever I feel like crying. Sometimes I cry so desperately and painfully that I almost choke myself and vomit. And that’s the moment that brings me back to reality. Now I am exaggerating. I am getting too deep into despair and victim mode. It’s not time to die yet. And that reminds me that nothing lasts forever.

Temporary

Pain is temporary. Joy is temporary. Sadness is temporary. Anger is temporary. Excitement is temporary. For heaven’s sake, everything in life is temporary. One day it’s over.

This realization is raw. It’s frightening for me. It’s extremely painful again. Because nothing lasts forever. And at the same time, it’s relieving. I don’t have to hold on to it. Because nothing lasts forever.  

So maybe we should enjoy it.

Enjoy pain? Enjoy sadness? You must be crazy! Well, yes, enjoy pain. Since I know that being in terrible pain and crying takes me from the painful experience to relief and the ability to think constructively, I even relish pain.

And what about the lemons? 

Whenever I feel like making a lemonade, I do so. Strawberries and lemons are just two different stories. And so I think we should treat them separately. The more I cry over lost strawberries, the more I feel like making lemonade out of the lemons I have left. If I didn’t do so, I would be left not only with bitter lemons but also with the bitterness out of not sufficiently mourned loss.

Stay courageous. Be kind to yourself when you are hurting. 

And believe that you are damngood just the way you are! And yes, that includes me right now too.

– – –

Feel free to get in touch with me.

Because CONNECTION matters. Because SUPPORT matters. Because YOU matter! 

Message me „lemons “ and let’s talk.

The post When life serves you lemons, make a lemonade. Ugh… appeared first on Kamila Kotoučková.

A silver platter?

It makes me feel sad and angry. Do they think I have it all? Did it come to me itself and overnight? It’s as if they imply that everything I have ever achieved was effortless, handed to me on a silver platter. But that’s far from the truth. Each step I’ve taken has been a battle against doubt and fear, a conscious choice to defy the odds.

The truth is 

The truth is, I don’t own a house or live in a luxury. There are times when my bank account is drier than Sahara in peaking summer. But amidst it all, I consider myself fortunate. I was born into a free and democratic society that grants me the power to shape my own destiny. I feel rich. Rich in experiences, cherished memories, deep connections with people, nurturing friendships, valuable skills, and the inspiration that fuels my soul. I feel richer in joy, peace, and love than I ever thought I would! My heart is in integrity with my soul and my doings. And it’s extremely scary at the same time because I play it all in. 

Not a virtue of mine

It all goes with bold moves. Although decision making has never been a virtue of mine. And acting on my decisions or taking the first step is literally freaking me out! I struggle with endless questioning and self-doubt. What if I choose the wrong path? Will I ever fit in? What if I embarrass myself? How will others react? What if I fail? I don’t know. I can’t. The fear of failure lingers in the back of my mind, casting shadows on my confidence and holding me back from acting. 

The smiling mask

So at the first sight, there is this smiling, strong, and confident expression on my face. The mask I put on to protect myself from the outer world is a coping mechanism I developed over time. But something quite different lies behind. With the smile I hide my insecurities, fears, and vulnerability. Deep down I am fragile, uncertain, and nervous. 

First things first

I’ve heard the words of admiration and dread of those who follow my journey. „I adore the way you live, it’s inspiring. But I couldn’t do it.“ First things first. You don’t have to travel and live the way I do. I am not imposing my path onto you. It’s not for everyone. Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying this out of arrogance but with the utmost respect. I encourage you to follow your unique journey that makes you happy. 

The bright and dark side

Choosing to follow my passion meant leaving behind a secure and comfortable path. It meant investing years of time, energy, and financial resources into becoming a coach and therapist, steering away from my previous roles in project management. Alongside this choice came a wave of insecurity and self-doubt. Comparing myself to peers who had specialized in their fields and built extensive networks over the course of time triggers feelings of inadequacy. 

I am choosing the freedom of freelancing over being managed in a company. With freedom come uncertainty, instability, and the overwhelming responsibility of self-management. There’s no settled routine, no boss to guide my steps, and no one to set deadlines. It’s a constant juggling act that challenges me each and every day. 

Instead of accumulating material possessions, I’ve decided to invest in experiences and memories. This choice has left me with a minimalistic wardrobe that fits into a suitcase and a room that holds only the essentials.  

The ups and downs of pursuing my passions have taught me that every bright side has its dark side. That there is no point in waiting for myself to be good enough or for things to become perfect. That the moments of doubts, fears, and insecurities accompany the joy, enthusiasm, love, and peace of mind that comes with living life on my terms!

Stinky but warm

Secondly. Could you truly not? Or do you think you could not? Remember, a brain is a liar! Its main function is to make sure we survive. So it protects us from danger. New and unknown evoke danger. And there the catch comes. Imagine yourself doing something new, different. Something you have been probably postponing for quite some time. Being afraid or embarrassed. Does this act truly endanger you? Does your life depend on it? I dare to guess – not really. The brain deceives us and makes the unknown look bigger and scarier to keep us in a comfortable safe place – where it’s stinky but warm. It means, with a bit of courage and determination you most probably could take action to embark on your own extraordinary adventure. 

Choosing or chose?

There is a message behind me saying „I am choosing“ instead of „I chose“. I am choosing all of it every second of the day with every decision I take. Do I work today or do I rather procrastinate? Do I get up and exercise to get the dose of dopamine and self-confidence, or do I rather pity myself in bed not knowing what to do next? Do I decide to take a scary action to show up, or do I rather back off to stay hidden? Do I transform my self-beating and degrading thoughts to encourage myself, or will I rather stay hidden in my cave (which, believe me, is pretty dark and deep). 

The decision is all yours

There the question comes. What is the world missing out on if you keep avoiding what you are avoiding right now? Let me kindly remind you: you are good enough to act on your seemingly crazy dreams. Yes, you can. You are already damn good the way you are just because you are.

So. Tell me, in what way do you want to be rich? 

With love & peace, K.

The post She Is Lucky. Is She? She Must Be Rich. Is She? appeared first on Kamila Kotoučková.