Vystudovala jsem ekonomku. S prstem v nose, protože co má logiku a řád, tomu rozumím, čemu rozumím, to se umím naučit. Sic mě to nikdy nenadchlo, ale účto a mikro a ekonomiky, dokud to nebyla ekonomie, mě bavily. Ekonomika a ekonomie jsou dvě věci. Neptejte se mě na rozdíl, já si pamatuju jen ten pocit.

8 let jsem pracovala v projektovém managementu soft projektů, ne těch inženýrsko-stavebních. To mě nadchlo. Nastavovat systém, v tom systému fungovat, piplat se v detailech a pak to ještě různě komunikovat, tam jsem ryba ve vodě.

Jenže v mezičase mě ještě víc nadchl osobní rozvoj. 

Partnerská komunikace. Nenásilná komunikace. Prvně jsem chtěla opravovat svý partnery, než jsem pochopila, že je to o sebenapojení, rozeznání vlastních pocitů a potřeb a upřímném sebevyjádření. Ne o opravování lidí. 

Pak vzdělávací projekty. Dialog, respekt, naslouchání, zodpovědnost. Tady mi zhruba rok trvalo, než jsem zcela pochopila, o čem to vlastně je (můžu-li to vůbec tvrdit).

K tomu védská meditace, jóga a trocha spirituálna. 

A pak už to jelo. Z osobního rozvoje se stal profesní rozvoj. Jeden koučovací výcvik. Druhý koučovací výcvik. Pozitivní inteligence. Psychoterapeutický výcvik. Několik let a tady jsem.

JE ZE MĚ KOUČ (ne gauč). A ZAČÍNAJÍCÍ TERAPEUT. Z povahy všech zpětných vazeb a reflexí poměrně nadějnej, řekla bych. 

Jenže NEJSEM PSYCHOTERAPEUT. Nemám totiž vystudovanou psychologii.

Pro někoho no go. Pro někoho systémový nesmysl. Pro někoho dobrý mít, ale i bez psychologie fůrt lze být solidní terapeut. Ne ten „ale dyť klientům to pomáhá“. Ale ten „vím, co dělám, dělám to na základě výcviku a eticky a pod supervizí a za konstantního průběžného vzdělávání s pokorou a respektem k řemeslu, klientům a odborné obci“.

O tom, že jsem a budu solidní terapeut i bez „psycho“ nepochybuju. Protože pokora a respekt. A protože závislost na věčném růstu mě z toho neustálého „vylepšování se“ nikdy nepustí. Mě to totiž baví. 

Co mě nebaví, je, se pořád vysvětlovat a obhajovat, proč jsem jednorožec mimo systém. No prostě jsem. Holt ne pro každého, kdo se v 18 rozhoduje, co bude dál dělat, je pekařina jasná volba.

Až mi ve čtvrtek v sauně svitlo, že já si to formální humanitní vzdělání, co se pro to psycho-terapeutování (zatím) vyžaduje, můžu dostudovat.

BŘINK!

Takže ve 34 letech znovu studium na vejšce? Takže odteď každý druhý týden fyzicky v Praze? Takže si půjdu půjčit peníze k tatínkovi, protože na další nálož vzdělávání teďka nemám? Protože za a) nejsem (zatím) markeťák tělem a duší a holt jsem se těm svým soukromým klientům ještě nezvládla dost prodat. Protože za b) tu „psycho“ práci, kterou jsem si na to chtěla vydělat, jsem nedostala, protože mi chybí humanitní vzdělání. Co bylo dřív, slepice, nebo vejce?

A jak to nasedá na mou dlouhodobou vizi? Jak to ladí s tím, že jsem v Česku dočasně a co nejdříve možno chci zpět do Barcelony? 

Jak to ladí s tím, že po letech cestování a stěhování a hledání konečně vím, že chci žít v „zemi věčného slunce“, u mořských vln, v rytmu salsy a za znění Španělštiny? Mimochodem, tu jsem si během tohohle roku dost solidně osvojila, jsem na sebe hrdá.

A tak mi řekni.

Jak důležité je pro tebe formální vzdělání vedle prakticky laděného výcviku? Musí být? Mělo by? Nenutno? 

A hlavně. Má si ho Kamila dodělat? 

The post Jsem dostatečně psycho? appeared first on Kamila Kotoučková.

But there is still the pain that comes from the struggles, the losses, or anything that didn’t go my way. Making lemonade is a nice coping strategy to move forward effectively. I miss the second (or first) half – pain healing. How do I deal with pain? 

Imagine I had strawberries before

Sweet ones, good ones. I loved them. I enjoyed them. I ate them every day. They were something I looked forward to seeing on my plate. I was happy to eat them. But over time, I began to realize that they didn’t make me feel good. I’m apparently allergic to strawberries. 

So I try to cut them into different shapes. I make different dishes. I eat them at different times of the day. I mix them, cook them, and combine them with other ingredients. But no matter how much I love it, no matter how much I wish I could have it on my plate and feel good, it’s not what is happening.

Through and through

I think it back, I think it through, I think it forward. I try hard, I work hard, and I fight back. I might as well stand on my head. But it doesn’t change the fact that I’m allergic to strawberries.

And whose fault is that? Mine? Or the poor strawberries? Does pointing fingers change the fact that eating strawberries just doesn’t make me feel good, no matter how much I want it to? It doesn’t. 

So what? Am I going to eat lemons with my oatmeal instead because that’s what life has served me with? Please, no. First I go and mourn that I cannot eat strawberries. Please, no. First I go and grieve that I cannot eat strawberries. 

Prayer was not enough

That’s what happened to me and my life in Barcelona. I wished for the best. I planned, anticipated, looked forward, and prayed. I did my best. I tried and worked and tried and worked to make it happen the way I dreamt it would. Step by step. And it just didn’t work. I couldn’t deal with the noice that was always there, and I couldn’t get used to living in a city without green parks. 

It sucks. I am left with pain, a broken heart, unfulfilled desires, and emptiness. Missing everything back there. With a hole in my heart. And it damn well hurts.

I don’t want to be hurt. I don’t want to feel pain. I don’t want to be broken. Nobody does. And yet I am. And yet I have no choice but to go through it. Slowly. Thoroughly. Painfully.

Not even EVERYTHING IS GONNA BE ALRIGHT saves me from the pain. Although it’s good to remember it for those bright moments of courage and action. 

So what does? 

I cry

I cry a lot. All the time. I cry silently. Tears roll down my cheeks. I cry hysterically. I cry out loud. I cry during my lunch, meditation, in the bathroom, while walking, working, or falling asleep. I cry whenever I feel like crying. Sometimes I cry so desperately and painfully that I almost choke myself and vomit. And that’s the moment that brings me back to reality. Now I am exaggerating. I am getting too deep into despair and victim mode. It’s not time to die yet. And that reminds me that nothing lasts forever.

Temporary

Pain is temporary. Joy is temporary. Sadness is temporary. Anger is temporary. Excitement is temporary. For heaven’s sake, everything in life is temporary. One day it’s over.

This realization is raw. It’s frightening for me. It’s extremely painful again. Because nothing lasts forever. And at the same time, it’s relieving. I don’t have to hold on to it. Because nothing lasts forever.  

So maybe we should enjoy it.

Enjoy pain? Enjoy sadness? You must be crazy! Well, yes, enjoy pain. Since I know that being in terrible pain and crying takes me from the painful experience to relief and the ability to think constructively, I even relish pain.

And what about the lemons? 

Whenever I feel like making a lemonade, I do so. Strawberries and lemons are just two different stories. And so I think we should treat them separately. The more I cry over lost strawberries, the more I feel like making lemonade out of the lemons I have left. If I didn’t do so, I would be left not only with bitter lemons but also with the bitterness out of not sufficiently mourned loss.

Stay courageous. Be kind to yourself when you are hurting. 

And believe that you are damngood just the way you are! And yes, that includes me right now too.

– – –

Feel free to get in touch with me.

Because CONNECTION matters. Because SUPPORT matters. Because YOU matter! 

Message me „lemons “ and let’s talk.

The post When life serves you lemons, make a lemonade. Ugh… appeared first on Kamila Kotoučková.

A silver platter?

It makes me feel sad and angry. Do they think I have it all? Did it come to me itself and overnight? It’s as if they imply that everything I have ever achieved was effortless, handed to me on a silver platter. But that’s far from the truth. Each step I’ve taken has been a battle against doubt and fear, a conscious choice to defy the odds.

The truth is 

The truth is, I don’t own a house or live in a luxury. There are times when my bank account is drier than Sahara in peaking summer. But amidst it all, I consider myself fortunate. I was born into a free and democratic society that grants me the power to shape my own destiny. I feel rich. Rich in experiences, cherished memories, deep connections with people, nurturing friendships, valuable skills, and the inspiration that fuels my soul. I feel richer in joy, peace, and love than I ever thought I would! My heart is in integrity with my soul and my doings. And it’s extremely scary at the same time because I play it all in. 

Not a virtue of mine

It all goes with making bold moves. Although decision making has never been a virtue of mine. And acting on my decisions or taking the first step is literally freaking me out! I struggle with endless questioning and self-doubt. What if I choose the wrong path? Will I ever fit in? What if I embarrass myself? How will others react? What if I fail? I don’t know. I can’t. The fear of failure lingers in the back of my mind, casting shadows on my confidence and holding me back from acting. 

The smiling mask

So at the first sight, there is this smiling, strong, and confident expression on my face. The mask I put on to protect myself from the outer world is a coping mechanism I developed over time. But something quite different lies behind. With the smile I hide my insecurities, fears, and vulnerability. Deep down I am fragile, uncertain, and nervous. 

First things first

I’ve heard the words of admiration and dread of those who follow my journey. „I adore the way you live, it’s inspiring. But I couldn’t do it.“ First things first. You don’t have to travel and live the way I do. I am not imposing my path onto you. It’s not for everyone. Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying this out of arrogance but with the utmost respect. I encourage you to follow your unique journey that makes you happy. 

The bright and dark side

Choosing to follow my passion meant leaving behind a secure and comfortable path. It meant investing years of time, energy, and financial resources into becoming a coach and therapist, steering away from my previous roles in project management. Alongside this choice came a wave of insecurity and self-doubt. Comparing myself to peers who had specialized in their fields and built extensive networks over the course of time triggers feelings of inadequacy. 

I am choosing the freedom of freelancing over being managed in a company. With freedom come uncertainty, instability, and the overwhelming responsibility of self-management. There’s no settled routine, no boss to guide my steps, and no one to set deadlines. It’s a constant juggling act that challenges me each and every day. 

Instead of accumulating material possessions, I’ve decided to invest in experiences and memories. This choice has left me with a minimalistic wardrobe that fits into a suitcase and a room that holds only the essentials.  

The ups and downs of pursuing my passions have taught me that every bright side has its dark side. That there is no point in waiting for myself to be good enough or for things to become perfect. That the moments of doubts, fears, and insecurities accompany the joy, enthusiasm, love, and peace of mind that comes with living life on my terms!

Stinky but warm

Secondly. Could you truly not? Or do you think you could not? Remember, a brain is a liar! Its main function is to make sure we survive. So it protects us from danger. New and unknown evoke danger. And there the catch comes. Imagine yourself doing something new, different. Something you have been probably postponing for quite some time. Being afraid or embarrassed. Does this act truly endanger you? Does your life depend on it? I dare to guess – not really. The brain deceives us and makes the unknown look bigger and scarier to keep us in a comfortable safe place – where it’s stinky but warm. It means, with a bit of courage and determination you most probably could take action to embark on your own extraordinary adventure. 

Choosing or chose?

There is a message behind me saying „I am choosing“ instead of „I chose“. I am choosing all of it every second of the day with every decision I take. Do I work today or do I rather procrastinate? Do I get up and exercise to get the dose of dopamine and self-confidence, or do I rather pity myself in bed not knowing what to do next? Do I decide to take a scary action to show up, or do I rather back off to stay hidden? Do I transform my self-beating and degrading thoughts to encourage myself, or will I rather stay hidden in my cave (which, believe me, is pretty dark and deep). 

The decision is all yours

There the question comes. What is the world missing out on if you keep avoiding what you are avoiding right now? Let me kindly remind you: you are good enough to act on your seemingly crazy dreams. Yes, you can. You are already damn good the way you are just because you are.

So. Tell me, in what way do you want to be rich? 

With love & peace, K.

The post She is lucky. Is she? She must be rich. Is she? appeared first on Kamila Kotoučková.